


i’ll be the light and lead you home when there’s nowhere left to go

by ninzied



Category: Daredevil (TV), The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, briefly alluded to character death, some light angst and softness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:13:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24064876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninzied/pseuds/ninzied
Summary: Being with Karen – it’s one of the easiest things that Frank has ever done.Still, they have their not-so-good days. The days that try to drag them back into those dark, buried places of their past, before they had this. Before they found something else that they could not afford to lose.…Or, Frank and Karen learning to navigate around the pain of their past, and turning older without their loved ones each year.
Relationships: Frank Castle/Karen Page
Comments: 16
Kudos: 79





	i’ll be the light and lead you home when there’s nowhere left to go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [HeartonFire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartonFire/gifts).



> hireath (n); a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past

Being with Karen – it’s one of the easiest things that Frank has ever done.

Even before he put down the vest and showed up at her place for good – because there was no turning back for either of them after that – he had known. It was part of what kept him away for so long.

Being with Karen was everything right, and good, and Frank hadn’t believed in a long, long time that those things should even be possible for him. That they could be what he deserved.

He only half-believes it even now. But if he’s going to hell for letting himself have this, then he might as well make the most of this one small corner of light and good things until then.

Still, they have their not-so-good days. The days that try to drag them back into those dark, buried places of their past, before they had this. Before they found something else that they could not afford to lose.

There’s the date of every funeral they’ve ever been to, every loved one they’ve had to bury. There are other kinds of anniversaries, too. Birthdays. Christmas. The day Frank got married. But they all carry with them the same kind of heaviness. They all came to an end the same way.

There are more of these kinds of days than either of them would like to count – days that feel like they belong to some other life, but will never stop haunting them in the one they’re living now.

Each one comes with a static kind of silence around it.

They have their own ways of dealing. Frank rises even earlier than usual and goes for a run down the Hudson. He runs until his whole body might be on fire, and then he just keeps on going. Karen throws herself into her work; if she’s not out chasing leads, she’s hunkered down at her computer, fingers flying over the keys.

It takes some navigating, but they’ve learned how to be there for each other without overstepping – how to be gentle with all that silence, how to cradle it close without it breaking. How to let the silence know that it is not alone.

Karen has coffee waiting for him after his long morning runs – black, and scalding, just the way he likes it. She doesn’t tease him for it like she would on any other day, and every kiss that he gives her tastes just a touch bittersweet.

Frank, on his part, cleans their apartment, cooks her dinner. She’s not great at remembering to feed herself on a regular day, so on the hard ones in particular he makes sure the table she’s working at is well-stocked with actual food.

They come back to each other in the twilight hours. Before they had this, their tomorrows had always been more of the same, but now, at least – now, their tomorrows actually mean something again.

…

Their own birthdays are on the quieter side too, but it’s nice. It’s soft. It’s them.

Nothing to fuss about, just the two of them curled up on the couch and, for once, not letting the rest of the world have any say in the matter. Frank takes the day off of work, and per Karen’s request stows her phone and computer some place she won’t think to find.

They’ve always promised each other no parties – and truly, a party is not what Karen has in mind when she first approaches Curtis for something small, something quiet, this year. She’d gotten the okay from Frank to include him, and there’s a bottle of whiskey she’s stashed in the cabinet just for the occasion.

But then Curt had asked if he could bring a mutual friend, which is how Dinah winds up greeting a slightly startled Frank at the door with wine and a meat-and-cheese platter. And then the postcard to Florida that Karen had mailed months ago gets returned to the sender – hand-delivered by a tanned and beaming Amy, who also brought a pink plastic flamingo as a “housewarming” gift, and a genuinely awful Hawaiian print shirt for Frank.

“I’m never going to wear that,” says Frank before enveloping her in a tight hug.

Karen wants to ask him if this is okay – really, she couldn’t have accounted for all of this happening – but then Frank looks over at her with shining eyes, and her chest could crack open from all the love she sees in them.

“Any more surprises I should know about?” he asks her, voice gruff as he steals her into their room for a kiss.

Karen puts a hand on his chest, and says in a half-apologetic tone, “I might have texted the Liebermans last week.”

“Did you, now.” He chuckles under his breath.

“I didn’t mention your birthday, but they seem like the type to put two and two together.”

“Unbelievable,” says Frank with a shake of his head. “How’d you even – never mind.” He kisses her again, lacing their fingers together before rejoining the others.

David and Sarah show up with their kids half an hour later.

It should feel like a squeeze – it was a small apartment even before Frank moved in with her – but instead, the only thing it feels is right, having the space filled with the warmth of everyone’s laughter, and the look on Frank’s face, every time their eyes meet and he breaks out into another smile.

…

So when Karen’s birthday comes around, Frank finds himself anxious about getting it right, in a way that he hasn’t before. In spite of what he’d told her he wanted for his own birthday, she’d done him one even better, and it was, hands down, one of the best birthdays he’d had in a long, long while.

He wants that for her, too. After all the shit that she’s gone through, after being the one there for him, the least he could do is make this day a really damn good one for her.

“This is exactly why we made those rules,” Karen has to remind him, when he ends up ruining the French toast in his agitation. He scowls at the remains before tipping them into the trash.

“Yeah? Rules say something about not being able to make my girl some goddamn toast?” Frank groans, reaching his hand out to hers and tugging her up against his side.

“No,” says Karen, tilting her head at him with a smile. “Rules say not to worry too much if you burn it.”

“I’ll try to remember that for next time.” He wraps his other arm around her, nudging their foreheads together. “Happy birthday, Karen.” He kisses her soft and slow, and she makes a small humming sound when they part.

Her hand comes up to touch his cheek. “Hey,” she says. “This is all I want, Frank.”

He sighs, head dropping down to his chest for a moment. She cups his face in both her hands, until he’s finally looking back up at her.

“Okay?” she says.

“Okay,” he says, and means it.

He ends up taking her to a little corner café for breakfast instead. Afterward, they stroll hand-in-hand down by the river before checking out one of the animal shelters nearby. They almost walk out with a dog, and make a pact to come back after they’ve found a bigger place to live next year.

They meet Nelson and Murdock for a late lunch on one of the piers, and by then Frank’s feeling fully at ease. He even has a good time with them. He finds Nelson amusing, not that he’d ever admit it, and even Murdock’s grown on him a little over the years.

Karen looks happy. And that’s all that really matters to him.

Frank’s at the bar getting them another round of beers when he hears the phone ring. Karen’s. He recognizes the ring tone. But he doesn’t think anything of it until he’s turning around with their drinks, and he sees the look on her face as she stares down at the screen.

Shit.

Karen excuses herself from the table, and makes her way down toward the water until she’s just out of earshot. Frank sets the tray down, watching her back tense as she talks, and nods with a pained kind of smile that breaks his fucking heart.

He should’ve seen this coming.

There’s a reason why Frank stashes her phone out of sight every year. It’s a reminder of the people who don’t call on their birthdays – the people who can’t, and the people who won’t. Or the people who send one lousy text a week late, and can’t be bothered to answer when she tries calling back.

Murdock’s face is expressionless, but Frank knows he’s listening in on the other line.

“That her piece of shit dad, isn’t it.” His hands are fisted so tight that it feels like the only way he can loosen them up is to just fucking hit something.

Murdock remains silent, which Frank takes as confirmation enough.

He stalks over to Karen in time to hear the tail end of her conversation.

“Sure, Dad,” she’s saying, with that same strained smile that makes it look like she’s halfway to bursting in tears. “I can make a few phone calls, see what I can do.”

Frank stops abruptly in front of her, his whole body seething. Is he seriously calling to ask for a favor? The shitbag even remember it’s her goddamn birthday today?

“Give me the phone.”

Karen holds out a placating hand, eyes steady on his. They’re watering slightly, but she musters up a small, genuine smile for him. He steps closer, swaying forward a little. His vision’s gone a little blurry too.

“C’mon, Karen. Let me talk to him.”

“Sure thing, Dad,” she says into the phone, and he hates how small that man makes her sound, how young and just – so fucking delicate, like the wrong word from him might break her. Like the right one could make some part of her whole again.

“Karen…” If he could just give him a piece of his mind—

“Bye.” She hangs up, and stares at the phone until the screen blanks out. She heaves a deep, shaky breath, looks over the railing, and then, almost in slow motion, lets go of the phone in her hand. They watch it tumble down to the water, where it slips out of sight with a splash that probably only Murdock could hear.

“Guess you won’t be able to make those calls after all,” says Frank after a moment, and it startles a watery laugh out of her, eyes bright as she looks at him with more gratitude than he’ll ever deserve.

“Not today,” she says, pressing the heel of her hand to one cheek and swiping away the moisture there.

“Not today,” Frank agrees, voice low and firm and final. But then she’s looking back out at the water, something distant clouding up her expression, and he feels a fresh, hot guilt churning around inside his stomach. “I’m sorry, Karen. I—”

She turns and slips her arms around him, burying her face into his shoulder.

He wraps her up tight, cradling the back of her neck and making soft shushing sounds to her as she starts to cry.

…

They’re curled up on the couch later that night. Frank’s not much of a baker, but he’d tried his hand at a cake, which hadn’t turned out nearly so bad as the French toast from that morning. What’s left of the cake now is on the coffee table in front of them, plus a stray crumb or two that he thumbs away from Karen’s bottom lip before planting a couple of kisses there.

“Thank you,” she tells him, and he knows she’s not just talking about cake.

Frank shakes his head. “I didn’t…”

“Stop.” She puts a hand on his mouth. He noses a kiss to the pad of her finger. Her eyes are still red-rimmed from earlier, but she hasn’t shed a tear since. He thinks she’s one of the strongest people he’s ever known. “You did,” she tells him. “You do.”

“Not enough.”

“It’s everything.” She snuggles up close. “And what I say goes. Don’t forget, it is still my birthday for another twenty-three minutes.”

He breathes out a laugh in her hair. “And after?”

“After,” she says simply, “is another tomorrow with you.”

His throat closes up, and it’s all he can do to just kiss her again for a moment.

He holds her gaze when they part, finger stroking over her cheekbone. “You’re everything, to me. You got that?”

Karen bites back a smile. “I think I have some idea.”

And for the next twenty-three minutes and counting, he proceeds to make doubly sure that she does.

**Author's Note:**

> fic title taken from "find you" by ruelle.
> 
> come say hi on [tumblr!](http://ninzied.tumblr.com)


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